


Imagine and Pretend

by letsmakeitforever



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 05:22:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15574695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letsmakeitforever/pseuds/letsmakeitforever
Summary: Junmyeon likes to imagineAlso because Junmyeon should get a lot more appreciation





	Imagine and Pretend

**Author's Note:**

> my first 1000+ story! I'm so excited!! I hope everyone likes it! Please give me feedback? I want to improve my style

Junmyeon liked to imagine that he got in EXO out of pure talent and hard work, not that he was only chosen because he was the only trainee who had been there long enough who was suited for the job. He liked imagining that he was the best person for the job and that nobody ever worried about his capabilities behind his back. But there were days when imagining wasn’t enough and the truth came crashing down on him. However he liked his imagination better, it was like an addiction for him.   
Junmyeon liked to pretend that Yixing really loved him. And that he didn’t notice the bruises from someone else’s hand and the way Yixing sometimes stared off in the distance with a little smile on his face. He pretended that Yixing was really in love with him and loved him more than anything. But there were days when his little bubble of ignorance faltered and he knew that Yixing really didn’t love him, it was a lie.   
Junmyeon liked to imagine that everything was okay. That Kris, Luhan, and Tao’s leaving hadn’t hurt them, but made them stronger. That there wasn’t a part of him that longed for the carefree happier days of EXO Showtime. He separated his thoughts into two groups before their departure (BTD) and after their departure (ATD). He did his best to be the strong one and to comfort his bandmates. But there were days when he would admit to himself that it would have been nice to be the one being comforted instead of the one comforting.   
Junmyeon liked to pretend that his anxiety and depression weren’t that bad. That he didn’t end up on the floor of a bathroom shaking, sobbing, hyperventilating, saying a bunch of things about how he was not enough. That he didn’t spend days wishing he was lying on his bed because he had no motivation to do anything. But that wouldn’t do for EXO’s leader, he reminded himself. I have to be strong for them. That he didn’t have thoughts about how everyone would be better off without him (especially Yixing, Yixing would be able to see that other person freely if he was gone). Thoughts about self-harm and how much he hated himself. But there were days when all of these thoughts and emotions came crashing down on him and he couldn’t do anything.   
Junmyeon liked to imagine that his bandmates didn’t whisper about him behind his back. That he didn’t hear Baekhyun and Chanyeol one time, wondering if he was fit to be EXO’s leader. That his bandmates didn’t look at him a little funny. That he stayed longer in SM’s building because he needed to, not because he didn’t want to face his bandmates. That his bandmates did cared for him, not just him caring for his bandmates.   
Junmyeon liked to pretend that he was needed. That his bandmates needed him to be there for them. That Yixing needed him because he loved him. But there were days when he could see that nobody truly needed him, that he could die and no one would notice and that he was just there, nothing to do (all the singing lines went to Baekhyun, Chen, or Kyungsoo, because they were better than him) and that he was only put in the group because maybe someone in SM felt sympathy for the boy (now man) who had worked for years for a chance to be a star in the spotlight.   
Junmyeon liked to imagine that his anxiety and depression were like the ocean. He sat near the edge of the water. The water was like his depression and anxiety that came up like the tide and pulled him away. Then the tide would come back, with him along in it and leave him on the sand. But there were days when he couldn’t keep this thought and he was left with an intense longing to get back into the ocean, that his depression and anxiety were better than this loneliness.   
Junmyeon did his best to pretend and imagine, he spent so much of his time doing that that he missed out on real life and how much his bandmates and Yixing cared for him. That their little looks at him were actually because they worried about him. Because Junmyeon was the strong pillar behind EXO, without him they would’ve crumpled and fallen. But one day, they found something, or should I say someone. Junmyeon hiding in the bathroom, crying with a bottle of pills in his hand and blood seeping from deep cuts on his legs and wrists. They got him to the hospital in time where he was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. He was given medicine, which his members made sure he took.   
Later, everyone sat down together and talked. Yixing explained that he did in fact, love Junmyeon and that he hadn’t cheated on him. Baekhyun and Chanyeol apologized for what they had said and that it hadn’t been meant meanly, they had only been worried because Junmyeon seemed to be getting sadder and sadder. And Junmyeon explained how he felt. That he thought that he wasn’t really the best fit for EXO, that maybe sometimes he needed to be the one comforted, not the other way around, that he had maybe jumped to conclusions a little fast. And maybe he should leave EXO, But in the end everyone assured him they didn’t want someone k=new, they wanted him. And maybe Junmyeon could get better, and he wouldn’t have to hide all that he was feeling, that he could be more open with them, he could turn to them (preferably Yixing, cause he’s your boyfriend) if he felt sad or upset. Even though he was the leader of EXO and he was supposed to comfort and take care of his members,, the members were also supposed to comfort and take care of him. Maybe, just maybe, Junmyeon thought, he would be able to live a happy life again with Yixing and his members beside him.


End file.
